WITHOUT THE FUNNY CARTOON NOISES

I obviously didn't see it when it happened, but the paramedic told me on the way to the emergency room that I had slipped on a banana peel and fallen down a flight of stairs. A banana peel. I could even see the guy trying to hide his smile, and why not? I took a header down a flight of concrete stairs because I slipped on a banana peel like I was Tom and fucking Jerry. It's almost like I fell out straight out of a cartoon, but instead of bouncing off the sidewalk with an invisible tuba playing I broke my hip. But me, slipping and falling because of a banana peel? Man, that's something else. I'm not just a horrible injured man now, I'm a story to tell, a myth made clumsy flesh. If it hadn't happened to me, I'd be smirking at the cliche in action just like he had. I silently resolved to piss on his hand if he tried to put a catheter in me. And of course, if I had the bladder control.