I was mad. Mad, I tell you! Nay, I am weak. Those fountainheads so perfectly arranged before me; I could not resist a splash from each and every flavor of beverage mixed into one, single Double Big Gulp. My thirst is quenched, yet I am dehydrated and feel sticky.
And it was not a sound idea to dress my bowl of Frosted Flakes with a Starbucks DoubleShot.
Lo, my KFC Double Down did not need a bowl of gravy for dipping, yet I did order it on the side; for I am loathsome.
I regret that I was fool enow to purchase a sack of Cool Ranch Doritos, for my order from Taco Bell was already of the Locos Tacos variety. Woe, that I did not think outside of the box!
Yet when it came to dessert, I held fast! I stood strong! I resisted the delicious sponge cake and the creamy filling of the Hostess varieties. No Twinkies nor Snoballs nor delicately crusted fruit pie will waylay me. After having supped so richly this day, I exerted every erg of willpower to resist the siren’s call of the pastry stand. For I am no animal. I am a man!
...but in truth, my strength is a mask for my true weakness. For I know lurking in the back of my freezer, I own a pair of Sara Lee poundcakes and one cheesecake. And furthermore I know that I will likely make unto myself a sandwich of these confections, however grotesque and decadent that may be.
O, lament!
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