Well, hello. I can see you have followed my trail of love. I personally plucked the petals from three dozen of the reddest roses to make that, milady. And I am more than pleased that you followed that romantic trail of mine all the way from the garage up into the boudoir to where I; your love machine is waiting for you. Oh yes, darling Janice. The kids are away, the dog is in the basement, the lights are low and now it’s just you, me, and this episode of Hoarders.
Care for a glass of white? You are most welcome, beloved. Please, slide that fine body of yours over my way across our Tempur-Pedic and relax yourself. Let my experienced fingers play over that tense and unhappy brow of yours to erase the tension of a bad, long day. And sit back, nestled into my arms as we watch an hour’s worth of intense personal struggle and hopefully some healing.
Oh my. That’s right, the kids are gone and away. I know that’s how you like it. Yes, the state has taken them away until Sheena can find a way to make their home a safe and livable space again. Yeah, I know you like it like that. You like it when bureaucracies in rural North Carolina care enough and have the resources to intervene on the the well-being of minors. You love it like that.
Oh my! Oh my, you are a dirty girl. Damn, woman. Why on earth would she need to keep every single plastic bread bag you’ve purchased since 1995? Can you believe it? I mean, wow. She must be growing mold cultures from every single loaf of bread she bought for nearly twenty years in that kitchen.
...why yes, Janice. That’s not the only thing growing right now. Ah ha. Ha.
I don't even want to talk about her downstairs bathroom...on a related note, can I interest you in a chocolate? Belgian. You are very welcome, beloved. Just sit back and enjoy your sweets, and let me take control of your body with my magic fingers. Much as professional organizer Geraldine Thomas is trying to take control of an explosive situation between Sheena and her sister Felecia. But she’s got to do it without my magic fingers.
Oh my, Janice! Janice! Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me? Or perhaps...it’s both of us? And things also seem to be getting pretty hot between Sheena and professional organizer Geraldine Thomas. Geraldine sure does seem to be annoyed at how noncommittal Sheena is acting towards the prospect of clearing out her collection of VHS cassettes. There is some definite tension there, oh yes.
Conflict between seasoned professionals and people with complex compulsive hoarding tendencies gets me so hot. Know what I mean, baby?
Mmm? Oh yes, we’re perfectly safe. We’re not going to be disturbed, I sent the kids to a movie a half an hour ago. We’ll have at least a full hour to enjoy an hour of the most compelling real life drama on TV. And each other.
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