Zombie Road Test: Driving During the Zombie Apocalypse

Keep it right at or just under the speed limit.  Just because other drivers are driving faster than you, don’t think of it as a peer pressure thing.  That also goes for when other drivers are driving on the wrong side of the road, or on lawns.

First thing: keep your hands at ten and two.  You always want to keep your hands at ten and two.  Both concentration’s sake, and also so if you need to react swiftly your hands are in the correct position.  And we want to keep the windows up because the streets are teeming with the bloodthirsty living dead.  Remember: concentration is key.

Okay, do you know what you did wrong there?  No, in this case the last thing we need to do is come to a complete stop at a crosswalk.  Remember: bloodthirsty living dead.  If the road is clear, you should drive right along.

You can probably speed up a little.

Now, who has the right of way in this situation?  That’s right, fire engines, police cars, and ambulances have the right of way.  Moreso if the ambulance is on fire and careening wildly across the yellow line, like that one.  That was very well done.

Hey, pay attention!  You are the driver, you need to keep your eyes on the road and on your rear view mirrors and how fast you are driving!  I will worry about the radio stations.  It’s all the emergency broadcast system anyways.

Okay, you need to remember that in all cases the pedestrians have the right of way.  Especially if they are housewives covered in blood, fleeing a horde of undead children.

Whoa!  Hold on!  You always, always need to come to a complete stop at an intersection!  You could have hurt that man...oh, it’s one of them again.  Why, God why?  Why is this happening?!  Is it judgment day?!  Okay, I think we can let it slide this time.  

In all situations you want to keep a full car’s length between your vehicle and anybody parked in front of you.  Especially that convertible in front of us with the living dead all over it.  Those poor fools.  Those poor, damned fools.  Why would you put the top down on a day like today?  Why?!

Hands at ten and two!