My Dog Food Will Change The World

Sir,

First of all, I take great offense at your flat denial of my application for a $10,000 small business loan.  One would expect that your bank would have taken an appropriate and reasonable amount of time to review and assess my business plan.  Perhaps a month, a week at the least.  

And yet my application was denied in under twenty-four hours. 

This does not seem either appropriate or reasonable to me.  This in fact leads me to believe that somebody in your organization simply rubber stamped a rejection, and did not take the time to properly consider my plan to prepare and market pre-chewed food for dogs.

My business plan is exemplary.  I detailed line by line my plans:  the location, cleaning and remodeling said location into a place suitable to chew food for dogs, procurement of raw goods such as grains and meats -all organic, mind you!- and hiring a staff of four to eight employees to assist in pre-chewing the dog food.  I even included the paperwork for the theoretical employees heath plans, medical and dental.  

Especially the dental.

Furthermore, I take exception to your professionalism.  Yes, your professionalism.  One would assume that a reasoned, well-thought out rejection letter would be a bit more verbose than what I received.  Perhaps you could have taken time to write at least a paragraph.  Instead I got two sentences.  Two!  

Allow me to reread these two sentences to you: ‘Are you nuts?  Nobody’s going to pay you to chew food for dogs.’ 

This is not what I would consider ‘brevity.’  In fact, I consider it lazy.  Yes, lazy!  Compared to the countless hours that I put into my proposal; as well as the countless hours I put into producing samples of my wares I do consider your flippant denial of my loan to be rooted in laziness.  I myself spent hours and hours masticating pound upon pound of raw meats, grains, and vegetables to create my Canine-free Canine Chow (trademark pending) samples for your perusal, to prove my devotion to my product as well as to attest to the quality of my wares.  

The beef, the chicken, the beef and chicken, the salmon.  The salmon, so rich in Omega-3’s! And the organic vegetables, the whole grains, the fresh blueberries so plump with flavor and antioxidants! The raw egg yolks, which proved to be quite difficult to chew. So much work and care went into this project and to be so cruelly dismissed...well sir, I am more than offended. I am outraged.

And to add injury to insult: the samples I had provided you were simply returned to me, unopened.  I am aware that some close-minded individuals find this proposal to be unsettling.  ‘Disgusting’ is a word that has been carelessly thrown around by several other banks, I am sorry to say.  "Unseemly." "Terrible." "Please get out of my office." I will credit you sir, for at least sparing me those heartless words.

I beg you sir, please think of the many, many elderly dogs out there that are unable to chew their own food.  Do you consider yourself an animal lover?  Pre-chewing their food is simply the most economical way to prepare food for elderly dogs with weakened teeth and jaws.  And while the human mouth does not have as many enzymes as that of a dog, it still contains enough to help in breaking down food in order to make it easier for dogs to get the proteins and vitamins that they so need!

Also, jaw-powered food processing is as close to green energy as the animal food industry will ever hope to become.  Tell that to the people at Eukenuba!

I beg of you sir, please reconsider my proposal.  This is a chance for your bank to get in on the ground floor of an exciting new industry. Join me at the forefront of history! Please don’t let my hours and hours of chewing raw meats (organic raw meats) be in vain.