You need to think this sort of thing through. Who're using this porn? Are they enjoying it on a personal level, or are they just saying "hell, this'll do" and then half-heartedly rubbing one out to it? You have no idea? And this reproductive clinic, I'm sure you're very well regarded in the city. The best of the lot, right? Right. But I, I can help you become the best of the best of the best. Allow me to explain. Well let me tell you sister, it's a good thing that you came to me. I'm a professional pornographer.
Where do you get your porn? You don't remember? I'm not surprised. I looked in your collection rooms, and I didn't see a single magazine from after 1992. And in the world of porn, that's pretty darned old. Did one of the doctors buy it, or did you just give the janitor twenty bucks and ask him to hit the top shelf at the 7-11? That explains this old issue of Maxim.
Listen, this is important. Men today have access to every kind of perversion available on the internet. A copy of Playboy from 1989 and an old Sears catalog isn't going to cut it. And when you're pulling your samples - ha ha, little joke - I assume you want the biggest, best samples possible right? Well, if you want to get the biggest and best samples, then you need to improve what you keep locked in the spank bank.
I mean, sure. "Hell, this'll do" is an attitude that will work for most men. Hell, when I was a young man I managed to rub one out to a brassiere ad in the back of Parade magazine. But if you want to really satisfy your customers, you need to examine who your audience is and cater to the individual.
See, your Playboy or a Penthouse is okay but only barely. You really want to go with a High Society or Swank. Classy titles like these will make the guy feel like a big shot. And a lot of men have specific likes, which is why magazines like Juggs and Buttman even exist. You're going to want at least one of those, too. But this is just the basics, here.
And this is just if you want to stick with the 7-11 budget. If you were willing to triple that money, I could do a full analysis of your clientele and obtain materials specific to their individual kinks.
I could get you some really specific titles. I mean, take a look at this one. No, go ahead. We can consider this one on the house. That is a magazine devoted to 'barely legal' amputee Asian girls with big butts. I know what you're saying, it's all over your face. Who likes this sort of filth? Well, you'd be surprised. Lots of guys go for this fetish. Like me. Especially me.
And if your clinic can afford it, you will probably want to go digital. No, not Blu-Ray. A mini-DVD player is surprisingly affordable nowadays, and DVD's are as well. It's one of the benefits of being a dying medium, I could get you hundreds of gently used pornographic DVDs for a fraction of the price you'd pay online or in stores. I won't even bring up tablet-based pornography. That's a level of science that I don't think anybody in the States is ready for. The Japanese now, they're on top of it.
Listen ma'am, I hope I'm not coming on too strong. Maybe you're right, I could have called ahead and asked for an appointment. But I was just thinking that you and your fine clinic here would be able to benefit from an injection - ha, joke again!- an injection of medical-grade pornography.
Please, take my card.
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